Thinking about stopping breastfeeding? Your guide to gentle weaning.  

Benefits of breastfeeding

Breastfeeding provides lifelong health benefits for both māmā and pēpi. The World Health Organisation (WHO) recommends babies are exclusively breastfed for the first six months¹. From six months, family foods should be introduced along with continued breastfeeding, for ideally two years or longer².

Breastfeeding is not only a great way to feed your pēpi, it can also establish a precious bond. Breastfeeding provides significant comfort and emotional support to pēpi, and is a key part of the māmā & pēpi relationship. That’s why weaning can feel like such a big decision.

Pressure to wean

There are often many pressures upon māmā to wean. Instead of providing the necessary support, often family members may add pressure to wean. Māmā may feel tired and overwhelmed at different stages of the breastfeeding journey, and not have access to skilled breastfeeding expertise and support when needed. In so many different situations, the right information and support will often serve a māmā and pēpi better than weaning.

Your decision

No two experiences of weaning are the same. This blog will cover the key things to know as you think about finishing breastfeeding, and where to look for support if you need it. At whatever stage you choose to begin weaning, remember it’s always your decision.  

Weaning – Some suggestions

Reduce feeds gradually

You’ll both feel better if you take things slowly. Reducing feeds gradually will help you and your pēpi to adjust physically and emotionally to the changes. You could reduce feeds one at a time, with maybe a week between, to help you both adapt. You might find daytime feeds are easiest to leave out in the beginning. Pēpi can be more attached to their first and last feed of the day so these are good to keep in place initially. But it’s all about what will work best for the two of you.

Increase fluids from other sources

From twelve months, you can introduce regular cow’s milk. For babies who are eating a wide variety of foods, there’s no advantage in giving Infant Formula instead of regular cow’s milk, and so called ‘Toddler Milks’ are not recommended at any stage^3,4. For tamariki two years and under, choose whole milk over low fat varieties as it has the best nutritional value.

Communicate with your child

Many babies become strongly attached to breastfeeding, and have big feelings. This is understandable. Sensitivity, patience, distraction and changing up your routine will help. Pēpi nine months (approximately) and over are increasingly able to communicate their needs, but are also beginning to understand your words too. You can try to explain to pēpi that “we will have milk later” or similar.

Offering Comfort in Other Forms

Instead of breastfeeding, you can offer other types of comfort, such as cuddles, rocking, or singing. This helps to replace the emotional connection that comes from breastfeeding with other soothing actions that can still fulfill their need for closeness.

Shorten the length of a feed

If pēpi is over 12 months, you can offer food and water before a breastfeed. You may like to only offer one side at a time, and shorten the length of a feed by counting to 20, for example. The pace at which you count to 20 is flexible, allowing you to use your intuition and adapt accordingly.

Don’t offer, don’t refuse

The “don’t offer, don’t refuse” approach to weaning is a gentle, child-led method. It means that māmā doesn’t actively offer breastfeeding but will also not turn down their pēpi if they request it. This gradual approach allows pēpi to slowly outgrow breastfeeding at their own pace, supporting a smoother, less stressful transition for both māmā and pēpi.

You’re important too, Māmā

Look after your breast health

As you wean pēpi you may notice your breasts feeling full, firm or uncomfortable. If so, it’s best to slow down the pace of weaning. To relieve over-full breasts, express a small amount of milk – enough for your breasts to feel softer and more comfortable. Your breasts will produce less milk as they adapt to less milk being removed.

You may feel more comfortable in a bra that is supportive but not overly tight. To reduce tender feelings from breast fullness, a cold compress placed in your bra can be soothing. You can also take anti-inflammatory pain relief eg Ibuprofen. Under no circumstances apply heat, use a hot shower on your breasts or try to ‘massage out lumps’. Doing so can lead to mastitis (breast infection).

Take care of your mental health

Breastfeeding is so much more than just giving your pēpi food. You also might feel sad, anxious and have a sense of grief, while you adjust to the end of your breastfeeding journey and this particularly close time with your pēpi. This is not uncommon; you are not alone in these feelings. The sadness can be particularly marked if weaning is occurring earlier than what might have been planned.

Be gentle with yourself and know that both of you will need compassion and emotional support. While you are the main emotional support for your pēpi, let friends and family know what’s happening and lean on them for your own emotional support. You may want to speak to someone who has walked a similar journey already.

Don’t forget skin-to-skin time can still offer comfort to you both, but perhaps for a while avoid doing it at an usual feed time or in a space you’ve used to feeding! Depending on the age of your baby, you may want to explore other ways to bond like baby massage, baby wearing, or more stories at bedtime.

What if I change my mind and want to restart breastfeeding?

Relactating is totally possible. The sooner, and more frequently, milk is removed, the sooner your breasts will produce milk abundantly again. You can offer the breast frequently, and/or use a pump, to remove milk often. Skin-to-skin contact will also help support lactation again.

Some helpful resources.
Weaning | Australian Breastfeeding Association
La Leche League International: tips on weaning your baby and older child
Medications are rarely a reason to wean Trash the pump and dump
Sore inflamed breasts Mastitis
Relactation and induced lactation | Australian Breastfeeding Association

We’re always here to help

• Join our private Facebook Group for support and advice from other mothers who have been through a similar journey to you.
• Connect with our Helensville Birthing Centre peer supporters, volunteers trained by lactation consultants who are also māmā. They provide support and guidance on breastfeeding.
• Reach out to Helensville Birthing Centre’s Lactation Consultants, our professional LCs can help identify and solve any weaning challenges for you or your pēpi.

1. The World Health Organisation – Breastfeeding
   2. The World Health Organisation – Complementary Feeding
   3. Health.govt.nz – When can your baby drink cows milk
   4. Toddler milks – unregulated, expensive, high in sugar